Posted by
New-Politico.Org on Wednesday, May 20, 2009 2:34:54 PM
The Federal Government, the Executive in particular, is starting one of those typical liberal programs wherein bleeding hearts can assuage their guilt and their shame for everything bad that our country has done over its hedonistic and self-serving history.
Here is what you do to be a part of the program to resurrect America’s image worldiwde. Write to the White House, you can send it to the attention of Rohm Emmanuel, if you like. In the letter you ask to adopt a Gitmo detainee.
You have to have a spare room. You can’t stick Mohammed under the stairs or in the vacuum cleaner closet. We love theses guys and we have to treat them better than we would treat our mothers. Got it? They must get candy or something nice for Father’s Day. Ties won’t do.
You also have to prove that you have enough income to support Mohammed. None of this macaroni and cheese every day nonsense. Mohamed has to be given a well balanced diet. He has to keep up his strength so that he can look forward to the day when he is sent home to his Mom and his IEDs and RPGs. You have to swear that you wont sneak him a plate of bacon and beans or pork chops; it doesn’t matter that the pork chop or baked bean recipe is your grandma’s which she brought over on the Lusitania all the way from Eastern Europe. Mohammed cannot even think about a pig; it’s a sure ticket to the hothouse in the hereafter.
So, after you have all this proof assembled, you send the letter to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and you wait. There’s a lottery. Your name will get tossed into a hat and be randomly selected. (The White House is breaking out Abe Lincoln’s stove top for the occasion. There’s a sort of Emancipation Proclamation feel to this whole exercise…). Nancy Pelosi is going to do this on the steps of the Capitol. Lots of bunting, Ruffles and Flourishes, Harry Reed, Chuck Schumer, signage and chants of “Yes We Can….”, the Marine Band, John Phillip Sousa. One get goose bumps just picturing it now.
If Madam Speaker pulls your name out of Abe’s hat, you will have Mohamed shipped to you. Federal Express is volunteering this service to improve their image in the Islamic world east of the Tiber. When Mo arrives, you make him as happy as you can. Do not try integrating him into the sinful, degenerate American way of life. Do not try and convert him to Christianity. If Mohamed gives up Islam for Christianity it’s the everlasting hothouse for him and for you.
One of the things you will have to do is to loan Mo your digital camera and the family PC loaded with some Cad program which can sketch architectural layouts for tall building and long span bridges. He will also need your password to Google Earth. Try can get Microsoft’s flight simulator loaded, so he can practice taking off and turning a large jet. If some of this is not available in your humble, working class American home on your humble five year old PC, buy a new one. Dell is offering specials; again it’s one of those image improvement things (the whole “we want the Islamic world to love us thing” is catching on in the corporate world)
Now, why is the White House starting this program? You might ask?
Why indeed?
Very simple; the House of Representatives is refusing to hand over the cash it will take to close Gitmo without a plan for where the detainees are going once they are taken off Fidel’s little piece of heaven. Most Senators and Representatives (R&D) do not want these noble Freedom Fighters, who have been denied habeas corpus for five years or more, in their districts or their States. But if we, the people, speak up and do the noble, bleeding heart thing by adopting one of them, then the problem could be solved. Gitmo could be closed and President Barack Obama can call his ACLU friends and his MoveOn.Org friends and his Daily Kos friends, and France , Germany and Italy, and George Soros and tell them that he has done it. And we do want this President to succeed, no matter what Rush says, don’t we?
It will be a shot heard around the world that we, the American People, are kind and humane and nice.
One more thing, don’t even as a joke, try holding Mohamed’s head under water in the backyard pool….you could be in big trouble if you did that. You could be pulled from the program, your wife and children could be sold into white slavery.
Now, start writing that letter.